Begin The Ascent

Faith partially restored...

The Nadir is past. My lowest ebb, now to all intents and purposes, moved beyond. A sensation from which I had become estranged, now rushes forth. This joyous benediction of a financial reprieve. So sorely desired, it now bestows a formidable buoyancy upon my being. 

To chronicle the exploits; auspicious in nature, would be tantamount to blasphemy. 

To scrutinize the flotsam of the past, would only dim the moment. 

Let sleeping dogs lie, and so rejoice in good fortune. However temporary it may thus be. Such repeal of doubt, presents the epitome of all that which I hold dear.  So with inestimable vigor and unquestionable furor, the climb begins. 

Let the escapade continue, unabridged and undiluted.

The Schism Between

 Journey through adversity...

The sky, veiled and bruised. Evidence of some former injury, from which it does now simmer in anger, seeking reprisal. This brooding melancholy, a restless portent of things to come. 

An abrupt awakening from slumber stirred memories, uncommonly clear, but transient. Turning to times leading to this point of crossroad. A previous day of income, ended with a most absorbing final act. 

Drawn together in innocuous discussion with fellow denizens. Arrogant demeanour inflated with a debonair sense of righteousness. Compassionate discourse broke forth, an exercise in connecting to the outside world. Yet ignoring the covenant of good manners, proper action a mere addendum to the thought process. Meddlesome elements sort to steer unto the relgious arena, and thus become bogged down in dogma. 

A beleaguered host struggling under the weight of philistine reactions of an obtuse mind. The grim brevity of empathy shown; a breathtaking spectacle, thus encouraged a willingness to supersede. To spite surly retributions, a soothsayer revealed, to trigger the momentum of secrets unearthed. The wholesome tirade of a well-meaning raconteur. 

So it ended, and a return in thought to the present, where soon the fates will decide whether to scorn or reward.

Schadenfreude Rebuked

To reconcile or provoke...

Once more the malodorous spectres of loathsomeness and malevolence seek to upset one held so dear. These are remorseless foes; indefatigable emissaries of an objectionable body. With their vitriol, palpable to the senses, something akin to rancid intent. Bringing forth concurrent trials, to begrudge betterment and heighten privation.

The ill wind serves as an aide-mémoire. To placate this heresy would be a sin, and to seek vengeance a fruitless speculation. No matter how odious the task, the crest fallen must rise.  

Wakefully aware that parlance is of paramount importance, and the nondescript must seek to become the stronger party. As if to underscore this adage, a synchronous act must be sought. One which will bring harmony, alleviating the foreboding nature of this situation.

Yet so much still hinges on the coming days. Already the apparatus of fortune have ventured to upset the balance of plans.

Who will providence choose? 

Will she forsake those who strive?

Atrophy Of The Senses

The waiting game...

With the avenues for income set; all preparatory measures are complete. Nothing now but to watch the slow creep of time, with bare subsistence and stark frugality as my constant companions.

All attempts to fill this uncertain void seemingly fail at the first hurdle, or plummet into the abyss between now, and soon. In the midst of this, my doubt is ever-present. Thus I am struck down with the consternation of one so gnawed with unease.

Prepossessing of its nature to mislead; yet fully aware that the future may not bring the riches so needed. However, to bear it with equanimity would be the choice tactic. To withstand the breadth of despair which waits to engulf if all comes to ruin.

Just to feel the unfettered release of creation, without the potent scent of apprehension. Which so oft seeks to tarnish what should be an irreproachable and hallowed joy.

Absence Of Fervor

Patientia Lost...

The cleansing deluge failed to refresh, even now its very presence has evaporated together with my ardor and eagerness.

An anomaly of ambivalence has thus taken root, and my waking mind struggles to decipher the cure. This admission in itself, an almost ineffable taboo, not to be re-uttered for fear of encouraging the growth of this transgression. It would be to advocate what is in plain sight, and so give complementary reason to it existence.

Instead a more parochial, austere process is perhaps needed. Prudence in fact; while the wait for the more elusive abundance of ambition continues. This obsequious attendance is less than satisfactory though, and not in keeping with a true sense of self.

Thankfully, lurking in shadows, unerring defiance remains. Still laced with the earnest hope that the damage left from this episode is not irreparable.
 

Cycle Of Rebirth

A genesis of my fortunes...

So dawns a fresh month and marks the emergence once again of 'The New'.

The storm now weathered and the marshaled forces of endurance so gathered. No more the hackneyed approach; but in its stead, a vigorous succession of chance, mingled with a countenance of cultivation.

A brazen modus operandi, starting from a point of ground zero. Fostering plans both audacious and ambitious in scale. However, old pressures have thus eased, while just-born trials still lay ahead.

So begins the onset of a new master plan, from a birthplace struggle. Spring itself is the cradle from whence it grows.

The Utmost Need

Behind the time...

As the month careers to a finish I find myself forced to contend with the vagaries of changeableness. Which can with one hand bestow great gifts, and with the other take more than can be coped with.

Social distractions, although welcome and bearing of rich fruits, now must be cached for another day.

It has become a sprint for solvency through mud clogged fields. Even-handedness a luxury beyond my means, and stability only a vague outline at the finishing post.

Partisan views now coloured by the need for immediate gratification. If only parity can be reached, then perhaps by a narrow escape, all will be saved.

Reserve resources thrown into play, and hopes of welcome rewards set-aside. Sheer doggedness, grit and sacrifice, my only allies.